sometimes things have to come crashing down for them to be rebuilt again and replaced with amazing new things, opportunities, experiences and people. that’s what happened for me when i had a few years of my world crashing but it allowed me to rebuild and move more into a life that was right for me.
i had read that thyroid issues are triggered by stress. this fit with my situation because there had been four years worth of upsetting and hurtful situations one after the other. i was diagnosed with hashimoto’s, which meant very low energy, irritable, brain fog and lots more symptoms to mention. it was at a time where i was sorting out my medication to feel better and to use what little physical and mental energy I could to try and find the best ways to get myself well. things did eventually start to get better when i found a new job and a new man! although finding a relationship doesn’t automatically mean that life is roses and everything is going to be fabulous!
i learnt so much about myself and this has been one of my key turning points in my life was that very relationship. i was in the relationship for a couple of years where my partner was quite dependent. he didn’t want to leave my side, venture out with his friends or mine. there was some great stuff about the relationship like he was my best friend, we had a good laugh and had our own in jokes (like most couples), i knew that he was there for me in the best way he knew how and he was kind and gentle.
there were two parts to the relationship i was in. one being that i think that i would have gone insane if he wasn’t in my life at the time that he was. i was diagnosed and trying to get better but on the flip side the relationship as i did get better the relationship started to fall apart. when i felt better i wanted to go out with friends, go to the gym, go to bands, i wanted me back. i feel like the relationship robbed me of that but really it was of my own choosing as i didn’t do anything to change it. the relationship had gone into this isolation of just him and me. Always there. Not wanting to go anywhere unless it was just he and i. it became quite suffocating. i wanted him to change, but later realised it was me that had to change.
on top of that i had tried so hard prior to the relationship to be open and honest about my feelings. i got to a point where i felt comfortable and confident about it. in this relationship i was met with so much resistance. any time i needed to talk about the sometimes tough and emotional stuff he would run and if i caught him he would completely shut down, which he obviously had his reasons. it meant that the relationship couldn’t move forward. being a spiritual person it was crippling for me.
there were things i learnt about relationships that i knew i didn’t want. i knew that i didn’t want to lose myself in a relationship where i spent so much time giving the other person what they want that i constantly missed out on having my needs met. i didn’t want to play the role of counselor, psychologist, social worker with my partner when i was paid to do it at work. i knew that i didn’t want my children to feel the repercussions of the issues that i would have allowed my relationship to flow over into their lives.
the day that i broke it off was the day that i chose self-love. while the split from my partner was terrifying and knew that it would be devastating for them i couldn’t do it to myself any longer. i chose to honor my feelings and listen to them. i knew deep down long before the relationship was over that it wasn’t right. it got to a point in time where i was strong enough to end the relationship and choose me. that was my biggest turning point. i got me back. not only did i get me back i knew that my next relationship would be with my equal, a balance of give and take. with someone that loves life wants to socialize and is willing to work through the tough stuff and not run away.
i wouldn’t take the experience back for the world because I learnt a lot about me and what I want. It put me on the path to honoring my true feelings and choosing self-love. at the end of the day we are responsible for the way that we feel and what we can do to choose our own happiness.