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why am i resisting…?

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so the last couple of weeks i have been facing a lot of resistance. it’s where my body tenses and i feel stressed. i have started to worry about things that are out of my control. yet logically i know that i have done the best i can to make things work. so anything that happens outside of that has nothing to do with me and i have to learn to let go and deal with things when the time arises.

i have been noticing how stress makes my body feel. as soon as i feel it i tell myself to stop resisting and my shoulders naturally drop and relax. i’ve learnt what it feels like to be stressed throughout my body and when i feel relaxed. i have definitely been checking in a lot lately. i know that i relax when i stop my mind from thinking. i have learnt that i need to be able to switch off from all the things i think i need to have done yesterday. they are self imposed deadlines that i have put on myself that don’t need to be there. i have a few things that I like to do to make sure that i get away from work mode. i have loved getting back into boxing, my yoga classes, meditation, taking a bath and cleaning (of all things).

i have been mindful that my relaxing doesn’t turn into procrastination and get lazy and slip into not doing anything at all! i have also been learning that there is a part of me that is holding myself back. this too is resistance. a lot of the time lately i have to give myself permission to shine. as you might have seen over on the instagram page i have been posting a lot of photos with gabby bernstein’s – miracle’s now oracle cards. there is one that i constantly keep up on my wall where i can see it. ‘when i shine bright, i give others permission to shine with me’ i like it so much it’s one i want to live by every day. my resistance feels like i am cautiously holding myself back with the things that are unfamilar to me like pulling back a slingshot and there is only one way for me to go and that is flying forward. so while the resistance might not feel so good i know if i relax and let go it will send my flying to somewhere good!

i have read before that sometimes people are more scared of succeeding and what it might mean and what changes will come if we fully give ourselves permission to shine. i know this is where i am at right now. i also love the way mastin kipp from the daily love explains that i am a spiritual thief. i am taking my talents and what i have to offer the world away from the people that need it, because i haven’t fully been putting all of me out there. which is so very true… i don’t want to be a spiritual thief. i want to be a spiritual goddess practicing and spreading the word of self-love.

so that is what i am going to do. a part of that is loving me…!! i love me. i am caring and love helping people out. some times i think i overwhelm people with my kindness and giving nature. not everyone is so comfortable with receiving. no more holding myself back. it is my time and i am ready to shine. who’s with me?

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the universe says slow down…again…!

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ok so a third weekend in a row. i have been left with no money…! go figure. mercury retrograde you are a funny bastard…! i don’t normally worry too much about good ol MR, but this round it has been the stereotypical plans going wrong, dates mixed up, miscommunications and well generally i find that the energy is so scattered. i personally don’t like it. like they say there is always a silver lining.

this time round my lesson has been about learning how to ask for help and saying out loud what i want. i REALLY struggle with this. no i REALLY struggle with this. umm did i tell you that i REALLY struggle asking for help.

i know that with my job i feel like i can’t do my job if i ask for help because people will think that i am not capable of doing my job. then my ego tells me that it is just quicker to do it myself than get someone else to do it. i have also learnt that i make things more difficult for myself than they need to be. i find that i take the longest way round to do something. someone will offer a different and a much simpler way of doing something and i really can’t believe that i didn’t think of it because it was so simple.

maybe that is where the stress comes into it and because you are worried about just getting it done and worry about getting it done that it clouds the much easier option! this week i have had so many people offer to help carry my bags, buy me presents, lent me money when i really needed it. i realized that i have awesome friends and people that are willing to help if i let them in and more importantly if i ask for their help.

its funny when you think you’ve learnt something but then it rears its head again. i thought that i had learnt to ask for help and delegate. clearly not as this week has been a struggle. it comes back to self-love. i have been quite mean to myself. i have berated myself for taking on EVERYTHING and not seeing if anyone else could help me out. i berated myself for the bad food i ate because i was just too exhausted to cook. i berated myself for not cooking food and eating healthy. i berated myself because i knew that if i didn’t eat healthy i would run myself into the ground even further. i was back into my old habits and worked myself up into a state about it. it’s not a fun place to be. like i have said before, sometimes things have to crash and fall down for it to be rebuilt.

so friends, that’s where i am at right now. i am rebuilding again. a day of much needed self-care – incense, warm house, blanket, couch, catch-ups of reno-rumble, organic chocolate, coconut water, ice-cream and cat cuddles i feel a whole damn lot better.

i love how Gabby Bernstein explains that when we steer away from our values, spirituality and what we know is good for us the most important thing is if we keep coming back to ourselves time and time again.

love yourself enough to keep coming back to you and giving yourself the time for self-love, self-care and self-support.

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the universe says slow down…!

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this weekend i had one of those weekends where the universe told me i needed to stop and have break. i had no money to do anything, which is pretty rare. i think it would have been the only way to make me stop and literally do nothing. i have had these weekends before and i am grateful for them. i am grateful that the universe has given me a big stop sign.

i have been doing so much managing my full time job which with some out of hours work that will continue until the end of june, having to rebuild my website and trying to keep sane by taking care of myself by relaxing and having time for me. i am really big on work life balance. while i know the position i am in now is to teach me to grow and learn new ways of doing things so that i can be the person i want to be and to achieve the things that i want to. it’s pushing me to use all the things that i have learnt in the last five years bring it all to this moment to test me. it’s not a horrible test. i think it shows me how much i have grown as a person and that makes me proud, grateful and happy.

i know it is so hard to slip back into the old habits when you have so much going on in your mind. i have had old triggers come up and have started to slip into those old habits. i have been working a lot on my mindfulness as i think it is the biggest key to change. when i hear those old thoughts of i am tired, i don’t have the energy to do that, and i think my thyroid symptoms are back. i take the higher ground, suck it up and dig deep. if i ignore all those thoughts and follow what i have learnt and do what is right for me to make me feel better to give myself the energy and care i need then it ensures there is no place for all those negative thoughts. 

i have said before when your honor yourself and put energy into the areas you are willing to change then the universe conspires to help you. the biggest thing for me when i am tired is the last thing that i feel like doing is cooking. it is the first thing to go. which sends me into a horrible spiral of eating bad convenient food… i absolutely hate it. but… i decided that if i am going to succeed at this new lifestyle i am going to make things work for me. 

i have been getting up early to prepare my lunch, cutting up vegetables so i can put them in the slow cooker to make soup. i have found out how nice it is that when i get home my tea is cooked. i had manifested this over a few weeks as i had thought frequently how nice would it be to come home and tea would be cooked for me! i made it happen. self-love at its best!

 i believe that because i put energy into helping myself and making things easier for me that i was given a gift. my beautiful friend gave me her food processor as she got a new thermomix. omg…!!! as much as i’d love a thermomix too i am sooo grateful for the food processor. i don’t know how i lived without one for so long. i no longer have to take an extra half an hour to cut up vegetables, the food processor takes literally 3 seconds. it has inspired me to cook again. i swear i have a past life where there was a lack of food or something…. but that i am sure is another life lesson that i can talk about later.

 with winter now here i think it is the perfect weather to give you permission to relax.