ok so confession time….! i have reverted back to eating my emotions. they have been so overwhelming that i have been dulling them with bad food. it is all kinds of wrong…! at the time it feels great and free and then the guilt kicks in. i am an advocate of self-love and its benefits and this past week i came to the realization that i must hate myself a bit if i am going to consume a shit load of junk food just to avoid my emotions.
because i love you all i know i can feel comfortable in revealing this part of me. it’s something that i have been doing for as long as i can remember yet never really acknowledged it. i think it got worse when i did acknowledge it in myself. i used it as a coping mechanism and was justifying it and being ok with it. until i was sick of having food hangovers, (it’s real people) waking up with no energy and feeling shit with myself and feeling immensely guilty for feeding my body with garbage. it’s not good for your psyche and it increases anxiety.
emotions are a guide to how you are feeling, what needs to be released so you can let it go and create a space to fill it up with happiness and joy! there is no such thing as a negative or positive emotion. emotions are all energy. you can bury them all you like but they never go away until you acknowledge them. so me stuffing them down with food was only doing a disservice to me and the emotions were only going to come back in an explosion or me having a melt down. neither of which i wanted.
so this week i decided to go back to what i had learnt previously so that i could turn things around again. to release my emotions, get healthy by eating foods that nourish my body mind and soul and exercising and wait for the barrage of emotions that i know are coming. it’s ok i am
something that i have not wished to acknowledge fully is that i completely turned my life upside down, left the comforts of my beautiful unit and the space / sanctuary that i had created, my amazing friends and family, a job i was passionate about and had a steady income and great pay. which are things that i miss greatly and not acknowledging it. this is what i have been pushing down.
on the flip-side, there is a bigger dream at play. i moved to be by the beach in one of the most beautiful parts of the country, to meet other like minded and spiritual people and to find my soul family, to be an example of trusting in the universe so much that i knew it would support me, to have the space to create a business where i only answered to me and the universe and have it centered around the skills i knew i possessed but were never acknowledged in previous roles and was based on my passion for empowering children and young people.
it’s happening… while i have been thrown out in the deep end which is where i perform best (because i have to so i don’t drown) i realize i am a great swimmer and i always get myself back to the safety of the shore. the shore is in sight my friends…!
i just want you to know and i am sure that i have mentioned it before but the universe is quite amazing and it’s fun to play with it plays back…! it loves you so much it wants the best for you. never be afraid to ask for what you want, it might not come the way you were expecting or in the timing you want but it will be the most amazing thing, at exactly the right time for the right reasons. you will see it when you believe it.