OK so this is way to cool (and vulnerable) not to share…! It’s also an amazing example of how the universe works when you are open to healing and receiving help.
Gosh where to start! I started to develop some content to put on my Butterfly Heart Spiritual Healing Facebook page to open people up to the idea of what it means to connect with your inner child. Wow did I open up a can of worms for myself. I am going to be honest. Every single time that I have done an inner child healing there have been tears. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Emotions are not bad and neither are tears, they get a bad rap – will share my thoughts about that on another blog.
So a lot of the time I am guided by spirit when it comes to what to post and when so I was listening to guidance for one of the questions that you will see pop us this week if you’re over on the page. What did you love doing as a child? I love music so the times that my mum, dad and uncle would get together and have ‘jam sessions’ was my favourite. I grew up with a lot of music around me and I now of course love music. It made me remember a year 12 project that I was doing with a close friend. We decided our presentation to our class was going to be children’s storybook that we would read to the class about each other’s lives. My friend Mel had made me a really cool scrapbook that I had supplied photos and info about my life. This one picture stood out to me and it was a photo of me at two years old sitting on a chair next to my dad who was also playing his guitar. I loved this photo. I loved all the photos I have with my dad when I was little because it felt like that was the time that I was the closest to him. I decided to dig deeper and asked my guides when did it stop?
I was taken back to a time when I was about six years old and I found my dad sitting on the bed in the spare room slumped over sobbing. I remember giving him a hug and saying ‘what’s wrong dad?’ and he replied ‘Life is just hard sometimes’. I felt from his soul that he no longer wanted to get too close in case he got hurt again. I feel like this is where he started to choose to suppress his emotions rather than let them out and release them.
It was then I had a better understanding of my dad and why he has retreated but I also wondered if this was a belief that I took with me into my adulthood that life is just hard sometimes. If I really think about it, it’s probably one of the things that I have on repeat is oh it’s too hard, then I do what I think is hard and it’s really not.
So back to the scrapbook that my friend Mel made me, I tried looking everywhere for it as I am sure that I brought it back to Queensland with me. Couldn’t find it. I wanted it so that I could post the photo in my facebook posts this week. I rang mum and asked her to look in the box that I am pretty sure it was in. Mum was out and said she’d call me back once she’d had a look.
Before Christmas Mum and Dad came to visit. I had attempted on three or four occasions to spend time with just dad because it’s something we never do. After the fourth failed attempt I gave up. A few days later we (Mum, Dad my partner and I) were having a discussion about how fun it would be to learn how to play the guitar watching you tube videos. Dad decided that he would like to buy us a guitar for Christmas. My wounded inner child thought that Dad wanted to get the guitar for my partner. She had an adult tantrum and cried and I told mum to persuade dad not to buy us a guitar for Christmas. She went into a rage because if he bought an adult guitar my partner would be the only one that could use it because I wouldn’t be able to comfortable get my arm over the guitar well basically because I have boobs. (irrational I know). How am I supposed to learn guitar without even being able to hold onto it properly. Later when I calmed down I thought what an odd way to react to such a thoughtful present.
Side note (2016): Not sure how it came up in conversation but I said if anything ever happened to dad the only thing I wanted was his guitar.
Back to the present and mum calls me back and the first thing she said to me was ‘oh dad’s out getting the dents taken out of his guitar so that he can give it to you’. At that moment I started to cry. It was the overwhelming awe of timing and synchronicity of everything that happened that day in such a short space of time and then the realization that my dad in his own way was trying to rekindle our father daughter relationship.
So the things that I learnt from this whole experience are that I have developed a belief that things are too hard (when they really aren’t it’s just something I have been saying to myself in the background for a very long time and feel like this has been holding me back). I love when I take the time to do the healing for myself the information I am faced with is always so simple and I ALWAYS think how could I not see this before. The other thing I learnt is that my father loves me in his own way and is dealing with his own earthly experience and to always send love even in the moments of frustration.