ok so a third weekend in a row. i have been left with no money…! go figure. mercury retrograde you are a funny bastard…! i don’t normally worry too much about good ol MR, but this round it has been the stereotypical plans going wrong, dates mixed up, miscommunications and well generally i find that the energy is so scattered. i personally don’t like it. like they say there is always a silver lining.
this time round my lesson has been about learning how to ask for help and saying out loud what i want. i REALLY struggle with this. no i REALLY struggle with this. umm did i tell you that i REALLY struggle asking for help.
i know that with my job i feel like i can’t do my job if i ask for help because people will think that i am not capable of doing my job. then my ego tells me that it is just quicker to do it myself than get someone else to do it. i have also learnt that i make things more difficult for myself than they need to be. i find that i take the longest way round to do something. someone will offer a different and a much simpler way of doing something and i really can’t believe that i didn’t think of it because it was so simple.
maybe that is where the stress comes into it and because you are worried about just getting it done and worry about getting it done that it clouds the much easier option! this week i have had so many people offer to help carry my bags, buy me presents, lent me money when i really needed it. i realized that i have awesome friends and people that are willing to help if i let them in and more importantly if i ask for their help.
its funny when you think you’ve learnt something but then it rears its head again. i thought that i had learnt to ask for help and delegate. clearly not as this week has been a struggle. it comes back to self-love. i have been quite mean to myself. i have berated myself for taking on EVERYTHING and not seeing if anyone else could help me out. i berated myself for the bad food i ate because i was just too exhausted to cook. i berated myself for not cooking food and eating healthy. i berated myself because i knew that if i didn’t eat healthy i would run myself into the ground even further. i was back into my old habits and worked myself up into a state about it. it’s not a fun place to be. like i have said before, sometimes things have to crash and fall down for it to be rebuilt.
so friends, that’s where i am at right now. i am rebuilding again. a day of much needed self-care – incense, warm house, blanket, couch, catch-ups of reno-rumble, organic chocolate, coconut water, ice-cream and cat cuddles i feel a whole damn lot better.
i love how Gabby Bernstein explains that when we steer away from our values, spirituality and what we know is good for us the most important thing is if we keep coming back to ourselves time and time again.
love yourself enough to keep coming back to you and giving yourself the time for self-love, self-care and self-support.